Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Choose Wisely

Just the other day, I scaled a mountain with nothing more than the clothes on my back and a stomach full of gumption.  The journey was long and hard.  I foraged for food and wrestled sustenance from the maw of a bear in hand to hand combat.  My nights were spent shivering under a hastily built lean-to.  Death was always just a mountain lion away.  Once I made it to the peak, an eagle perched on my outstretched arm.  As a show of respect, the eagle offered me the freshly caught trout in it's beak.  Truly, I was the master of this world.  While I ruminated on how I would rule my new domain, a thought entered my mind: I think my parents tried to use the Transformers to steer me on the path of righteousness.

While moving around my collection, my son and oldest daughter decided to watch.  Each figure touched or moved was a new question asked.  The most asked question was "When did you get that one?"  I had a story for each acquisition, of course.  It was during this question and answer session that I realized that just about every figure that I had from my childhood that was given to me as a gift from my parents was an Autobot.  There were a few exceptions such as Galvatron, Blitzwing, or Dirge, but those were figures that I had to specifically ask for.  If I told Santa or my parents that I wanted Transformers, I invariably received an Autobot.




Here I am during Christmas of 1986 holding Hotspot.  That year I received Hotspot, Sandstorm, Octane, Galvatron among other toys that year.  The Optimus Prime and Aeiralbots in the picture are what my brother received that year. If I hadn't asked for Galvatron and Octane, I never would have gotten them.  I mean, I had to point to them in the store to let people know that I wanted them.

After this, I wasn't allowed to buy my own clothes
Here I am getting the Technobots for my birthday a few months later.





The following birthday, I got Scorponok, because I demanded it!  When I ran across this picture, I was shocked by the Shockwave in the picture.  I have no idea where he came from or who he belonged to.  I want to say that I had borrowed him from the drunk teen down the street.  It's odd seeing him there.

Yeah, those are 49ers jammies.  Jealous?

A few months later, my parents hit me with the mother lode.  For Christmas, I got Fortress Maximus, Powermaster Prime, Waverider, Quickswitch and Sky Lynx for Christmas.  Sweet Christmas.  Notice how they're all Autobots?

It's a general trend that I seem to just now see.  I owned many other Transformers during those years, and a good bit of those were Decepticons.  Save for the aforementioned Decepticons above, I had to purchase them for myself.  That meant saving allowances, birthday money from relatives, looking on the ground for nickels or drumming on a bucket on the street corner.  I remember going to the stores with my parents and on the off chance that they did get me a toy when it wasn't my birthday, Christmas, or the day a report card was received, it was almost always an Autobot.  If I grabbed say, Sinnertwin, my mom would suggest Sizzle.

It's not like I was some sort of Machiavellian schemer as a lad.  Far from it.  I would dare say that I was the epitome of decency.  Did my parents worry that I would get a Megatron and want to destroy all those in my path?  The weird thing is that it only extended to the Transformers.  Masters of the Universe?  They got me Snake Mountain.  Star Wars?  I owned more Imperials than Rebels.  Maybe my dad was an influence on this decision.  He's a car guy and maybe he thought I'd be more into the cars?  I don't know.  Trying to ask your parents why they bought you a certain toy over 25 years ago isn't going to yield a reliable answer.

Don't get me wrong, I'm sure that reading all of those tech specs about the upstanding Autobots probably, maybe, helped to shape my world-view a little.  Then again, I am collecting a lot more Decepticons now and I am harboring desires to bring Cyberton into Earth's orbit.

As I pet the Eagle, still perched upon my arm, I continue my gaze upon the world below me.  Again, I ponder how I will rule this place - will I be the benevolent Prime, or the tyrannical Megatron?  A mighty ram comes charging towards me, slowing when he realizes his mistake.  In this instance, I know - I will be benevolent, just as my parents wanted.

11 comments:

  1. Love this post. This is hilarious.

    I'm blue with envy that you have photos of a young you with Transformers. For me, I don't think such photos exist anymore.

    I did have lots of Transformers as a kid, relatively speaking, but not nearly as much as you - and I never got the big pieces like PM Prime, Fort Max, etc.

    I typically get minibots, cassettes, a combiner limb (never all 5 at 1 go), etc. Such was life. Larger TFs were not affordable.

    Now, I can and will go out there to get them all, and get them all twice over. But I'm not malevolent haha

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    1. My parents had a habit of taking dozens of pictures at every gift giving occassion. I used to grouse about how I didn't get a lot compared to my friends, but the more I think about it, the more charmed I feel. And I wish I could get them all twice over.

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  2. Benevolence may have been the right choice; the ram could be a powerful ally in your quest for domination over the puny fleshbags on this planet...

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    1. the puny flesh creatures will manage to go extinct all by themselves, don't you worry....! =)

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    2. The puny flesh bags need to worry about my eagle...

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  3. Beautiful article!

    For me, some of the best pieces that I read on-line don't always need to have detailed pics of TF's. Your childhood pics are great. Like HD said, I don't think I have any photos like this around that I know of. And certainly I never received the amount of TF's that you did. I think I may have had 10-15 max as a kid, but I don't know if that was due to my ever changing interest in play toys. Most of my friends were into G.I. Joe or He-Man.

    Keep on waxing poetic Optimal!

    Cheers,
    Joe

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    1. My other interests were always short lived. It's like that old Chris Rock joke about cheating. New toys can't read...

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  4. Awesome. I love seeing old pictures like this. I wish I had pictures from the few Christmas' I received Transformers. It seems you had it pretty good growing up. I can remember a few Birthdays and Christmas' where I got a few TFs, but never did I get anything remotely big like Scorponok or Fort Max.

    If I'm being honest there really weren't many toys I got at Christmas that stand out in my mind anymore. Perhaps it was I got so much crap I memory can't keep up w/ everything, or perhaps it's the fact that I'm just getting old! I do remember getting my Red Ryder BB gun however and being on cloud 9.

    It's funny how your parents bought you Autobots because 82-83 I received a lot of G.I. Joe toys and 95% of them were Joes. I wanted the HISS Tank so bad, but I ended w/ the Joe HQ, Vamp and Skystriker instead. Silly parents.

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    1. Geez, even the few Joes I got were Joes. The only exception seemed to be He-Man, because I got Snake Mountain and Skeletor.

      Unfortunately, my mind seems to remember every toy I got as a kid. I couldn't tell you the names of the kids I hung out with, or how old I was, but I could tell you what I got.

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  5. Damn boy, you cleaned up at christmas! I never knew anyone who got a Fort Max! I think now you are probably just collecting Decepticons to bring balance to your TF universe. Can't have the good without the bad.

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    1. I think one reason I cleaned up is because my parents really didn't know what to get me. I didn't play organized sports, I didn't get a Nintendo until I was like 10 or 11, and my parents just bought me tapes and music whenever I wanted them because music was important in my house. It's like my son - he gets Lego sets whenever he gets a present because that's all he's really into.

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